Ayub

”Are you just going to stand here and keep staring at her or care to join me for the farewell?” Suraj said as I jolted out of my daze to notice him nodding towards the entrance, gesturing for me to follow him.

He was my best friend besides Shrusti. Not that I considered Shrusti just as a friend, but still.

“So, last day man,” he said walking beside me.

“Yeah,” I said having a sinking feeling in my gut.

I took a look at those familiar faces all around. These people were the one’s with whom I've spent my past few years.

There was Shreyas with his girlfriend Anisha, laughing probably at one of those silly jokes she usually made. There was Mohit who was arguing with Rakshit on who between Ronaldo and Messi was greater. There was Sheetal who was dabbing at her lipstick, the beauty queen she was as Tanya continued her usual chit chat irrespective of anyone listening to her.

All those memories I've made with them flashed through me for a second as a sudden jolt passed through my spine.

“It’s the last day mate,” Suraj said. “Aren't you gonna propose at least today?”

I wanted to or I could say, I needed to. Every freaking atom in my body begged me or literally pleaded with me to do so. But there was some restraint that was holding me back.

It was as if a tug of war was battling in my heart. Just when I just seem to get to a conclusion on my decision, everything would get flipped off and I’d be back at the square one.

“I don’t know mate,” I said as I shook my head not knowing what to do.

“It’s been what? Three years?” he said peering at me. “I just don’t know what to say man.”

I let out a frustrated sigh at the irony of the situation. “Trust me mate, even I don’t know what to do.”

They say it takes one moment to fall in love. But I had four years and every second, my love for her has grew.

He was about to say something when he was interrupted by Shreyas saying, “what’re you guys still doing here? The welcome speech is already over.”

"Let's go," Suraj said tagging me along with him.

The arrangement was made at a place called 'Nrithya." It consisted of a circular architecture with a classic look. The centre was an open space with marble flooring where the events were to take place. The seating was arranged around the open space with pillars arranged at regular intervals giving it an elegant look.

I walked over to our group of boys who were already engrossed in a discussion.

"Hey man," Rajesh said as I joined them.

"Hey," I said giving him a side hug and patting his back.

Suraj, Rajesh and me were the partners in crime all through our college life. We left no stones unturned as we dug our way through every mischief possible.

But today, I couldn't find a single ounce of dismay for leaving all these people behind. Sure we could meet later once a while, but not as classmates and as the partners in crime.

But my view was completely focused on the most beautiful girl with whom I've fallen in love. In fact, I wasn't even aware of the discussion going on beside me.

She threw her head back and laughed at something a junior said and I found myself staring at her in a trance. Such was the beauty that was laced in her laugh.

Suddenly she noticed me staring at her and glared at me for a second, before turning and walked away.

I didn't know why she was behaving like this. She seemed to be so angry with me ever since she got down from the car. If it was my mistake, I would have rectified. But only if I knew what it was.

But one thing I knew, it left a gaping hole in my heart when she turned away from me. Only that it didn't stop me from staring at her everywhere she went.

She caught me staring at her many times and every single time she'd flip me away.

After a few minutes, I couldn't bear it any more and started to walk in her direction when the host of the evening announced that every guy was to pick a chit from a bowl and have to say a few words about the girl's name written on it. The girl in turn has to speak about the guy who picked her name.

The guy went around gesturing for every boy to take a chit and finally it was my turn.

I picked one half-heartedly as I wasn't in the right sense of my mind. All my thoughts were focused on that one girl who stole my heart.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I got 'Shrusti."

My mind began to contemplate on what should I say. Should I speak out the truth or should I just say friends and get it over with?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice everyone staring at me. It took me a second to realise that it was my turn to speak.

It felt like an Herculean task to hold my shivering hands still as I took hold of the mike and trying my best not to stare at her, I said, "she's the sweetest girl I've ever met and is my best friend."

Lies! She was not just my best friend, but she was my everything.

I couldn't look at her due to the guilt that poured through me as I handed the mike back.

I took a look around at my friends who were giving me a WTF!-This-was-the-best-chance-you-had-to-propose-and-you-ruined-it look.

It was her turn to speak about me as she was handed the mike.

Without a single ounce of restraint, she took it and just said one word.

"Friends."

That's it. One single word which knocked me out of my senses and a wave of panic ripple through me.

Just a friend? Nothing more?

I knew I lied. She was a lot more than a best friend to me. But hearing the same word from her hurt a lot.

Not the kind of hurt you feel when you scrape your knees or burn your hands, but something which'd haunt you a lifetime.

‘Friends,’ The words still continued to vibrate in my ears.

There were a few games about to be conducted, but I decided to stay away from them. I walked to a secluded place and sat down, drowning in my thoughts.

There was laughter everywhere. People were talking, shouting, laughing, screaming, joking, poking each other and enjoying.

I tried my best to stay away from any company as I wasn't in a position to put on a façade and act as if everything was fine.

Nope! Nothing felt al right. In fact, even breathing felt like a huge task.

I didn't know how much time has passed but finally it was time for dinner and I didn't feel like eating. Everyone made their way for the catering area but me. I contemplated on going back home without anyone’s notice

But luck wasn't on my side as Suraj finally found me just when I was about to leave.

“Dude, WTF! You’re gonna leave without informing anyone? What the hell are you thinking man?” he said glaring at me.

“I….I just don’t feel like staying here…..I,” but he cut me off by wounding his right hand around my shoulder and practically dragged me in the direction of our friends.

Taking a look at my friends, I immediately felt like shit for deciding to bail on them. We were meeting for one last time and my messed up mind couldn't conjure rational thoughts.

“Please don’t mention...urm...about this to….to anyone,” I said sheepishly as we were about to reach them and he nodded.

“Dude, where were you?” Mohit said as he stuffed a morsel of rice in his mouth.

“Was attending a phone call,” I lied easily and I found Suraj glaring at me.

The others gave me a look that they didn't believed it, but luckily they decided to let it slide by. The dinner went uneventful as I just listened to what others were saying, speaking as less as possible and mostly staying out of the spotlight.

I washed my hands after dinner and was walking back to my friends when I noticed Anisha, Shrusti’s best friend and my good friend waiting for me with her hands folded and her expression somewhat annoyed.

“Ayub,” she said raising her hand when I reached her. “I'm gonna ask you a question and you’re just gonna say yes or no. Am I clear?”

I clearly knew that I couldn't avoid her at the moment, so I just nodded.

“DO YOU LOVE SHRUSTI?” she said emphasizing on each and every word.

I was expecting the question but still it kind of stunned me. I wasn't used to someone saying it aloud.

I managed to blurt out, “yes.”

“Then why the hell are you behaving this way? Are you going keep waiting until god himself comes down? Or you’re gonna keep it to yourself and grow old watching her share her life with another man? You think we’re blind? We all know you loved her since three years. For god’s sake, it’s the FAREWELL party. The last day. Don’t expect a girl to propose to you. Be a man and go propose her,” she said in a single breath and I was just staring at her with my mouth gaping open.

“Am I clear?” she said when I didn't reply and she looked like she’s gonna hit me then and there if I didn't nod. So I nodded.

She looked at me for confirmation and probably taking the determined expression on my face, she looked satisfied and left me.

Yes! I have to propose her and I have to do it now.

Just then, the host of the evening announced, “anyone from our seniors who’d like to sing a song?”

I got an idea. It felt like a call from above and I knew what to do.

“I’d like to,” I said and walked over to him as he handed me the mike.

Closing my eyes, I gathered my feelings for her and memorised her face in my mind. Clearing my throat, I said, “this song is dedicated to a very special person in my life.” And I started to sing.

                                                      "Until You - Shayne Ward"

Baby life was good to me                                                                              

But you just made it better

I love the way you stand by me

Throught any kind of weather

I don't wanna run away

Just wanna make your day

When you feel the world is on your shoulders

Don't wanna make it worse

Just wanna make us work

Baby tell me I will do whatever

It perfectly seemed to fit what I felt for her. All these years I couldn't propose just because of the fact that I was afraid that I might make it worse if I proposed. But I was ready to do whatever to make things work between us.

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

Baby nobody, nobody, until you

I took a look around to check on her but damn! She wasn't there. I wanted to propose to her but where was she? Just when I found the courage to propose, she was nowhere in my sight. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. So I closed them and continued to pour out my feelings.

Baby it just took one hit of you now I'm addicted

You never know what's missing

Till you get everything you need, yeah

I don't wanna run away

Just wanna make your day

When you feel the world is on your shoulders

Don't wanna make it worse

Just wanna make us work

Baby tell me, I'll do whatever

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

Baby, nobody, nobody until you

See it was enough to know

If I ever let you go

I would be no one

Cause I never thought I'd feel

All the things you made me feel

Wasn't looking for someone until you

I opened my eyes to take in the look on everyone’s faces but found myself relatively stunned. There she was, the girl I loved standing a few feet before me in the crowd. I had my eyes only on her. She looked so beautiful that I melted into a puddle then and there. Looking into those mesmerising eyes of hers, I continued to sing.

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

Baby, nobody, nobody until you

It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

Baby, nobody, nobody until you

Nobody, nobody, until you

Still looking into her eyes, I finished the song. But one thing I couldn't get a clarity on was the look on her face. She just stood still staring back at me.

Did I make a mistake? Had I ruined our friendship? …..to be continued (28-07-16)